Rules.

So what are your rules?  The 4 D's or other categories were too broad for us.

After trying to enforce rules we both thought were dumb, we settled on what was really important to us.

We've edited our rules list several times... by discussing how we each felt if a rule wasn't respected. When we first began living this way, Ross never added a rule without discussing with me in depth and what the consequence would be.

No more.

Ross adds rules, I'm committed to giving it my best. If after giving it a decent shot, I've got concerns, we discuss it.  It's worked well this way.  We have dropped several rules after trying and it is a smooth discussion.  BUT when I've flinched at the new rule or fought him and been disrespectful and whiny... the discussion continues with my pants around my ankles.

We don't have a "rules list" I just know... and for US its GREAT. This may not be how you do your thing, and that is A-OK.

1. No disrespect ever: Disagreeing is OK. Disrespect is not. That means no attitude toward Ross, no mouthing off, sulking or arguing. Ross expects me to respect him in private and in public. We aren't out there with the head of household and submissive role, but everyone around us knows I obey Ross.  Unfortunately, he has had to correct my attitude in public and it just sucks for us both and is awkward. 
2. Obey cheerfully.  Even if its the LAST thing I want to do, do it.  If I have a reason to wait a few minutes or finish up something, I request respectfully.  Ross doesn't want me to be a robot. He wants our home to be a place of harmony for all of us and shouldn't have to walk on pins and needles with his wife.
3. Self-care: I can't give Ross, our children, our home, anyone my best if I'm not taking care of me.  Bed time, vitamins, the gym, scheduling breaks when I need them. ASKING Ross for help before I get frustrated and stressed. I am important to Ross and he expects me to take care of myself. Ross knows I am prone to put him, our kids, and everyone else first. If I am given a prescription medication, he expects me to take it as directed.  
4. Anything dangerous--at Ross' discretion. He will not and should not list every dangerous decision a person could make. This is obvious. If I put our kids or myself in danger, he will deliver a significant, long-lasting deterrent. He doesn't monitor my battery power, but if he can't get a hold of me b/c my phone is dead or its bad weather and my phone is at 15%, consequences happen.
5. Caffeine and Alcohol.  This one is so hard people and is so OUR rule. I love coffees, sodas, energy drinks, cold drinks, lots of sugar and flavor... It's all so good! I was spending way too much money on this extra and I didn't truely need it. I wanted to be healthier and drink more water.  So I asked Ross to help me quit it all. There are better things to spend money on.  He said "Are you sure? If it's a rule, it's going to be enforced and you will follow it." I said yes. And found out very quickly that he enforces all rules. (Be careful whatcha wish for!)  On Alcohol:  It's expensive and never helped anyone get healthier. I get pretty mouthy if I drink more than a few, so I only drink at his discretion.  We used to have a 1 or 2 limit, but now it's just not allowed unless Ross says its okay.  This just makes sense for US. Drinking is expensive!  When you have a houseful of kids, you can't go to bed drunk and sleep it off. So that's the rule here.
6. Schedule:  We are type A people who thrive on a schedule. I flounder when things aren't structured and so do the kids. I set our schedule. If I need help sticking to it, Ross comes in. We sync our phones so he can see what's going on. I don't make plans without discussing with him. He rarely says no, but he has first right of refusal.
7. C A S H  M O N E Y:  Ross sets the budget. I hated this part of being an adult when I was single. Ross is so great at managing money and we both can login to our accounts and know whats up. He sets the amounts and decides what we spend where. I'm sad to report this has gotten me in significant trouble over the years.  Its important to both of us that we are good stewards of our finances and save for the future. Ross works extremely hard for our money and it's very disrespectful when I blow it on silly things or buy out of budget. (Future blog post: getting a punishment spanking for overspending, then being marched to the car to return the items to Hobby Lobby. My face may have been redder than my backside.)  I just know if I need to run an expense by him. 

This sounds reasonable right? Sum it all up:  take care of us and each other. What kind of rules do y'all have?