Rules.

So what are your rules?  The 4 D's or other categories were too broad for us.

After trying to enforce rules we both thought were dumb, we settled on what was really important to us.

We've edited our rules list several times... by discussing how we each felt if a rule wasn't respected. When we first began living this way, Ross never added a rule without discussing with me in depth and what the consequence would be.

No more.

Ross adds rules, I'm committed to giving it my best. If after giving it a decent shot, I've got concerns, we discuss it.  It's worked well this way.  We have dropped several rules after trying and it is a smooth discussion.  BUT when I've flinched at the new rule or fought him and been disrespectful and whiny... the discussion continues with my pants around my ankles.

We don't have a "rules list" I just know... and for US its GREAT. This may not be how you do your thing, and that is A-OK.

1. No disrespect ever: Disagreeing is OK. Disrespect is not. That means no attitude toward Ross, no mouthing off, sulking or arguing. Ross expects me to respect him in private and in public. We aren't out there with the head of household and submissive role, but everyone around us knows I obey Ross.  Unfortunately, he has had to correct my attitude in public and it just sucks for us both and is awkward. 
2. Obey cheerfully.  Even if its the LAST thing I want to do, do it.  If I have a reason to wait a few minutes or finish up something, I request respectfully.  Ross doesn't want me to be a robot. He wants our home to be a place of harmony for all of us and shouldn't have to walk on pins and needles with his wife.
3. Self-care: I can't give Ross, our children, our home, anyone my best if I'm not taking care of me.  Bed time, vitamins, the gym, scheduling breaks when I need them. ASKING Ross for help before I get frustrated and stressed. I am important to Ross and he expects me to take care of myself. Ross knows I am prone to put him, our kids, and everyone else first. If I am given a prescription medication, he expects me to take it as directed.  
4. Anything dangerous--at Ross' discretion. He will not and should not list every dangerous decision a person could make. This is obvious. If I put our kids or myself in danger, he will deliver a significant, long-lasting deterrent. He doesn't monitor my battery power, but if he can't get a hold of me b/c my phone is dead or its bad weather and my phone is at 15%, consequences happen.
5. Caffeine and Alcohol.  This one is so hard people and is so OUR rule. I love coffees, sodas, energy drinks, cold drinks, lots of sugar and flavor... It's all so good! I was spending way too much money on this extra and I didn't truely need it. I wanted to be healthier and drink more water.  So I asked Ross to help me quit it all. There are better things to spend money on.  He said "Are you sure? If it's a rule, it's going to be enforced and you will follow it." I said yes. And found out very quickly that he enforces all rules. (Be careful whatcha wish for!)  On Alcohol:  It's expensive and never helped anyone get healthier. I get pretty mouthy if I drink more than a few, so I only drink at his discretion.  We used to have a 1 or 2 limit, but now it's just not allowed unless Ross says its okay.  This just makes sense for US. Drinking is expensive!  When you have a houseful of kids, you can't go to bed drunk and sleep it off. So that's the rule here.
6. Schedule:  We are type A people who thrive on a schedule. I flounder when things aren't structured and so do the kids. I set our schedule. If I need help sticking to it, Ross comes in. We sync our phones so he can see what's going on. I don't make plans without discussing with him. He rarely says no, but he has first right of refusal.
7. C A S H  M O N E Y:  Ross sets the budget. I hated this part of being an adult when I was single. Ross is so great at managing money and we both can login to our accounts and know whats up. He sets the amounts and decides what we spend where. I'm sad to report this has gotten me in significant trouble over the years.  Its important to both of us that we are good stewards of our finances and save for the future. Ross works extremely hard for our money and it's very disrespectful when I blow it on silly things or buy out of budget. (Future blog post: getting a punishment spanking for overspending, then being marched to the car to return the items to Hobby Lobby. My face may have been redder than my backside.)  I just know if I need to run an expense by him. 

This sounds reasonable right? Sum it all up:  take care of us and each other. What kind of rules do y'all have?

TIPTOEING IN

Friends night in the college dorm was my favorite thing! Since thats the era my husband and I met, our internet names are Ross and Rachel. Thank you for reading!

I am tip-toeing into a go at blogging after a lot of lurking and occasional involvement in various chat rooms and websites.  Before I typed the typical terms you and I all type into a search engine about being submissive, domestic discipline, taken in hand, spanking or found the numerous online communities , I knew I was submissive and my knight Ross was an alpha male, my leader. We've been in "this thing" for awhile. 50 Shades of Grey did not inspire us! (ew!)

The only reason I blog hopped was for us and always sneakily as this all NSFW.

The platforms I found for discussion were hit or miss.  Some places were clearly people looking to exchange TMI stories about the intimate parts of their dynamic. It depended on who was in a chat room. For awhile there weren't any websites on "how to" do this thing, just people sharing their stories, some which were likely more fantasy than truth. Then these "expert guides" started showing up with paid memberships.  People sold information about submission, discipline and head of household style relationship. There were competing how to guides on starting "Domestic Discipline" almost as a trademarked term. Different types of couples began appearing, with a different vibe than had been around before.  It wasn't about sharing stories and picking up a tip or two, it was cult like. There was ONE way to have this kink in your marriage-and being submissive was very specific. If that mold was not fit, no one knew how to talk to each other.  People were mean in their efforts to get people to do "DD" their way.  Some people brought in floundering marriages and needed to find a couple to prop them up.

To say the very least, it was strange.  We didn't stick around.  We went through some really hard things in our life and this online stuff was a massive distraction and not help us at all. If something is not fun, I don't do it! Ross knew how to reign me in without anybody's help. We'd had our rules and non-rules in place before some of these couples had drivers licenses.

Growing up, my mother always told me that your friends couldn't be in your marriage.  I remember her excusing herself when Bunco or Sunday School ladies got to chatting about their husbands. I remember this bc it brought my playing with friends to an end for that day.  She said very few friends are lifelong.  You don't want people you don't talk to anymore and realize you truely don't know, knowing intimate things about the one person who will ALWAYS be in your life. You cant really get good advice on the most intimate things of a marriage unless people are in the middle of it and thats dangerous ground. So we just quit it all. Quit interacting with the other Head of Households, HOHs, Tops, Daddys, submissives, baby girls and Taken in Hands... or whatever label people used for themselves.

Without the internet, my husband and I had no trouble remaining in our roles which were firmly set long before Christian Grey took a belt to his silly girlfriend.  As time allowed, I'd read well-written, mature blogs the ones I'd always read, but without interacting with other readers. My submission was as it was when we had begun, a super private thing.

I do though think its important to share your life experiences. Ross and I have learned lots and journeyed far.  We read articles, books and blog articles that were harmful and some so very appalling.  More than once I sent Ross a link and his reply was strong

"I will NEVER do that to you!"

We read some posts that were good.  Our intent with this blog is to tell you how we are us as a couple, learning and unlearning things along the way.  We don't do "DD".  We aren't in a "D/s" relationship. We don't "do BDSM".  There is no "doing" any particular thing.  It's just... us.

We're happy, happy, happily married.  We are parents, employees, siblings, friends, bosses, neighbors and huge fans of the great outdoors in the completely gorgeous Western United States.  We have the greatest cutest children in the entire world. Ross is the boss.  I trust him with every part of me.  Nice to meet ya!

Oh yeah, sometimes I get spanked. hard.

Be fully you. Sculpt away the non-you day by day till you're a work of art.